The Four Pillars

Self-discovery is often a complicated and evolutionary journey. Yet, the principles that guide your journey are simple and sound. Mastering life is accomplished by focusing on four foundational areas, or what we call pillars. These pillars are assertiveness, character, frame, and confidence. Individually, these pillars are self-reinforcing, which means the more you practice them, the more proficient you become in your interactions with others. In turn, others will improve their responses to you and harmony will begin. Collectively, these pillars reinforce the others, meaning the more you practice one, the more proficient you become with the others.

Self-discovery will be a rewarding experience if your qualities and values are developed appropriately. Mastering the four pillars is how we come to fully understand the purpose of our lives as well as how to transform our experiences into gifts for the world. This is not about grandiosity; it is about transcending an unhealthy, fixed sense of self into a thoughtful, creative, and purposeful sense of self. One that gives freely, yet responsibly. One that tends to the needs of those you value, which are those who impact your world, and those whose world you impact.


Assertiveness is the foundation on which you build success in your relationships. Assertiveness has two primary functions in relationships: managing conflict and establishing boundaries. Without assertiveness, there is little to no order. Without order, there will be chaos and everything required of a successful relationship will be ill-managed. Without boundaries we behave haphazardly, potentially causing harm to ourselves and to the people in our lives. The function of assertiveness is to manage, diffuse, and prevent various types of conflict. We must not ignore this essential building block called assertiveness. If we do, we are sure to set ourselves up for difficult hardships and failed relationships.


Character is the second pillar of the four fundamental areas on which we improve our self-discovery. The quality of your character often determines the quality of your responses and, in turn, the quality of your relationships. Your responses to people are a direct reflection of your character. We must consciously choose what part of our character to exhibit in our responses, deliberately practicing our best qualities.

It is important to act purposefully and mindfully with your character. Exploring innovative ideas and different philosophies can bolster your character and create a degree of complexity of your personality, making you more appealing to others. The intent of showing good character is to display remarkable traits in valuable ways according to the given situation.


Frame is the mindset we create for ourselves which enables us to overcome objections to achieving an outcome by utilizing particular skills and knowledge. Frame is the mental structure we create for ourselves to achieve a goal, whether short term or long term. Frame control is the practice of maintaining a strong, positive frame when getting what we want becomes difficult. Frame is as equally vital to improving the quality of your responses as character building. Although the concept of frame is relatively abstract, it must be learned if you are to elevate yourself.

When we have any type of goal, and we formulate a plan to achieve that goal, we are preparing to manage objections and distractions to meeting that goal. Frame allows us to mitigate circumstances which might cause us to deviate from the plan of achieving that goal. Frame control is your ability to create and sustain a formulated plan to achieve an outcome.


Confidence is the result of becoming proficient at something and being assured of one’s abilities and qualities with reliable certainty. It comes as a result of practice. This could be practicing a sport, such as baseball, practicing a philosophy, such as stoicism, practicing a hobby, such as woodworking or crafts, or practicing any sort of behavior or way of thinking. Confidence plays a significant role in attraction because it signifies a person’s trustworthiness in his or her own abilities. When others are experiencing a degree of uncertainty, being around someone who is self-assured creates a calming effect.

A person’s confidence, combined with assertiveness, character, and frame, displays emotional and mental stability. Everyone experiences chaos in their lives and oftentimes a person’s confidence can inject order into that chaos. When someone emanates an air of confidence and walks into a room full of disorder, it is as though you can feel the chaos dissipating almost instantaneously. Confidence allows us to be our best because safety and security have been established, which reduces the need the to act strictly on survival instincts. People who exhibit this quality tend to draw others into their presence and they will often follow them to the ends of the earth.